一个人

当你下定决心
把一切放下
你需要多少勇气
多少毅力
这些都证明
你曾经付出过多少努力

我曾今
爱过那么一个你
一个我能依靠的你
还记得 每一次牵着你
矮小的我正好能亲吻你的手臂
最喜欢和你靠近
好安全 好温馨

但我失去了你
不是在你和我道别的时候
而是你的心 已离我远去的时候

当你 已不再是你的时候

多么不甘心
这段时间里
经历过了 勇敢过了
我们彼此答应坚持到底
可你最后却轻易放弃
只因为你把我从你心里 丢漏了

原来 我对你
真没那么重要。

当我写下了那个句号
把所有眼泪与心碎放在了故事的结尾
不再把你带到另一个故事
属于我自己的故事
就像你
把我琐碎地落在一旁
然后走向了你的另一个美好

另一个故事的开头
平平淡淡
带着还没完全愈合的伤
继续写着淡淡的故事

慢慢发觉
原来 失恋并没那么可怕
慢慢地走出曾今的习惯
回到一个人的生活

也慢慢发现
其实 恋爱不是必需品

恋爱是在让别人彩色你的人生
而我 想要继续自己彩色自己的人生
一直到那么一天 我遇上了一个
愿意和我一起为同一个风景彩色的人
我们不会恋爱
我们会携手 为我们的人生彩色
互相扶持 互相鼓励
一起慢慢彩完我们的人生

恋爱 是轰轰烈烈的
生活 是舒服简单的
快乐就好了

一个人 也很好

The Cliff

Is it that hard to let go?


It was like playing trust game
you don't know what's behind
and you just closed your eyes
and get pushed down

and you keep falling

It was a cliff
you fell so deep down
that you kept falling down
waiting for him to catch you
but he wasn't there
you are by your own
keep falling
deeper
and deeper
all the way down

You got anxious
and you open your eyes

That's when you realized
it was all lies
fake promises
or maybe promise made by coward
the promise that he said,
"I will always be there for you"

So
I can only keep falling
and went gone forever
in that deep
scary
dark
unknown hole?

You just keep falling
you can't do anything
you have nothing
cause you gave away everything
on the cliff you fell from

Everything
left behind with that person
which had got tired of the load
you brought to him

And he just throw away everything
and left
without keeping anything
about you

Nothing.


You close you eyes
and let things go its way

But, that's not the end.

Your white dress got hooked by a fallen trunk
in the middle of nowhere

You are given a second chance
the sky turns from grey to blue
sun shines on your face
you can see the rough surface on the cliff

You are given a choice
to tear off that piece on your dress
and keep falling
or
grab on the rough surface
with all your strength
that you've never spend so much before
climb back up to the cliff
you had fallen from
and stood back up on your feet

Regardless how tiring it will be
regardless how risky it will be
regardless how much stain you will get on your white dress
regardless how much scar you will get on your body

Which way would you take?
Let go of your chance?
or
Let go of your past?

The more tiring it gets throughout the journey
the more strength I would gain
The more risk that I would face by my own
the more unstoppable I would be

Every stain on my dress
shows the colours of my life
Every scars on my skin
shows the growth in my life

Life is hard
but that's what it meant for
For you to explore things
that you will never read from the textbook
For you to learn things
that you could never do in your tests
For you to get hurt
so you know what happiness are meant for
For you to feel stupid
so you know sometimes, you just need to let go

The stupidest thing I felt
is that I just gave away everything easily
to what I thought it is worth for

But actually
the stupidest thing I've done
is to feel that way

I didn't gave away everything
to something that's not worth it
I gave away everything
to something I loved
and so I experienced
the things that I should experience in my life

There's never right or wrong in life
everything is an experience
which colours your life

And there are much more to explore

Climbing up the cliff is a journey
an aim
a reason in life
and when you reached the top
another journey begins
with more exciting experience that you've missed
while you're falling down the cliff

Is never too late to stood back up,
you just need to keep going.

I miss you

I miss you
so badly
that I feel like it's killing me inside

I doubt how strong I was
where I was totally beaten up
by the cold u showed

I am shivering inside
my heart
couldn't stop shivering
with loneliness
and fear

I feel so helpless
without the hand to grab
the eyes to stare
and the face to touch

I was staring on the phone
with a photo on the screen
the face that was once
so near with mine
where our nose could meet
and I can feel every of your warm breath

The eyes
that huge pair of eyes
sparkling
straight to my heart

Our forehead kissing
with your finger brushing through my hair
I could feel every line on your palm
the big palm
with the warmest held I've ever felt

I could never forget
the first time our palms met
with the strong klench
like how afraid the hand will slip away

Those fingers
use to be wiping away my tears
holding me tight on the chest
calming me down
with the steady heartbeat
I listen to when I place my ear
right on the chest


It feels like ages
since I last hold your hand
listen to your voice
looking deep into your eyes

I start to lose the image of your face
every time I close my eyes
before I fall asleep

I tried so hard to recall
your sweet voice
the temperature I felt
every time you hug me
I tried so hard
til tears rolling down my cheek
those cheeks
where you always pinch
and poke
and kiss gently

How many times
I typed  "I miss you"
and erase them
before sending out to you

So many words up til my throat
and I just swallow them back
down deeply to my heart
because I'm so afraid
those words annoyed you so much
that you will just walk away

At least now
I can still see you from far
knowing that you are alright

At least
you are fine
that's the most comfort
I could get from you
now..

How are you?
What are you thinking?
Are you really fine?

You look thinner in those photos
You smile lesser
I wonder if I did anything wrong
that maybe you would live better
without me

How many times
I'm afraid
I'm a parasite to you

How many times
I'm thinking of turning around
and leave your life
maybe you would live better that way

But whenever I thought of that
I cried
so hard that it hurts
my heart
like having thousands of cold knives
cutting through it
without mercy

I can only hug the pillow
you gifted me on my birthday
trying to get some comfort
from the wishes you gave me
on my last birthday
At least
something that I could link to you
that's the most I could do now..

When can we meet again?
with our hearts bond together
with our eyes staring each other
with our hands holding tight
never letting go

When can we meet again?
with you playing with my hair
with your playful stare
with your arm wrapping around me
so close
so warm

When can we meet again?
with our smile so wide
with our heart so loved
with our love blooming
like we are the happiest people in the world

When can we meet again?
At least give me 10 seconds
to look at you properly
and let me feel like I am still
in your heart

I love you
still

I am waiting
for you to come back
like how we use to be
love
in the heart

留给一个人的时间

有些时候
就想一个人静静呆着
沉浸再心中隐藏着的情绪

一个人散这步
想停下就停下
想放纵奔跑就奔跑

一个人静静的看着天空
发发呆
把云朵想象成形形色色的东西

一个人躺在床上
对着天花板大声唱歌
管它吵到了谁

一个人随意拿起笔
画画心里想画的
再丑也无所谓
不喜欢扔了不就得了？

一个人呆呆地拿起吉他乱弹
自以为地写出一首歌
再用简单的词句填词

一个人拿起一堆零食
躲在房里看這连续剧
躲在被里 狂吃

或就一个人
静静地
放空思绪

享受留给自己一个人的时间
是种多好的感觉

胆小鬼的幻想

幻想是一种对自己的折磨
也许是一种心理小小叛逆的现象

当你知道有些事情
你没办法得到
却用自己脑子里虚拟的想象
把它弄成真

忙碌的生活
会让人开始忘了幻想
曾今夜晚在床上翻来覆去
无法入眠时
曾今有过多少幻想
有些成的无厘头
有些却成得太真

在梦里实现了多少幻想
因为只有那里能让自己感受
留下给自己的回忆
曾今与梦里的人说经历的事
只有自己懂得
就算再难堪再丢脸
也不会有人懂

也对
因为我一直都好胆小
所以只敢幻想

为何我就没办法勇敢些？
就算自己再差再丢人又怎样？
为什么总是顾虑别人的眼光？
难道 就不能好好活着
好好过着自己想要的人生？

也许再自信一点
所有幻想就不会继续只遗留再夜里的梦
也许再勇敢一点
所以曾今的顾虑就不会继续成为绊脚石

长大后的女孩

怀念有很多种
我怀念的 不是曾经的人
或者曾经的事
却怀念起了 曾经的自己

曾今
我一个人
一个人走在走廊
少了喧哗
让思绪自由放荡

喜欢奔跑在那操场上
带着急促规律的呼吸
不时仰望着天
蓝天白云 和那几棵挡着天空的大树

习惯每次在冲凉房待个半小时
脑袋里播放着所有爱听的歌
放声大唱 即使不懂得歌词
破音走音出糗 还有那四面墙为我挡着

一时兴起 心情开朗
把房门关上 开起音乐
在房里自由乱跳 把床当成没有观众的舞台
有多丑多糟糕也不会有人看见

曾经的我
有自己的小世界
这世界里 有着好辽阔的天空
闭上眼睛 就能看见无边界的大草原
有时还可以静静地望着大海吹海风

被窝是我放纵创意的地方
耳机是我沉入情绪的通道
画簿是我抒发思想的地方
夜晚是我沉醉放肆的时间

多少梦想 多少愿望
却只留在自卑的心里酝酿着
没有勇气在众人面前站出来
没有厚厚的脸皮能任人攻击
没有尖锐的武器足够抵抗伤害

曾经那个女孩
很纯真 很简单
脆弱却倔强
哭过多少回 擦过多少眼泪
发飙过很多很多次

曾经的女孩
在哪里了？

短短的时间里
不知不觉地成长很多
脾气收敛的多少
脸皮厚了好多
反击的武器多了
面具一个加一个
即使心碎也吞下了眼泪
不听话的眼泪流出 也不出声
笑脸多了 可真心了吗？

过了那么久 突然回首
发现自己变了多少

累了吗？

累  累麻了

还记得曾经希望自己长大 变得强大
如今戴上了厚厚的防护甲
想念了曾经能自由奔跑的女孩

还记得曾经希望自己能得到安全感
如今有个人在旁边守护着
想念起了曾经一个人静静放空的女孩

好想有个时间让自己静静的做自己
离开一切假象 就简简单单的过时间


其实 我只想要透透气
想想心里要的是什么
想要对自己好一些

当 心无理取闹的时候

我常说 我并不好
不是无理的。
有些时候我会犯错
有些时候我会执着
有些时候不顾无理
但这些都不算什么
因为大家都看见的
大家都没说我好坏。

我说我不好
也许是因为自己心里
有时候会静静地无理取闹
然后 我后悔
后悔自己为什么这样
虽然都没让人看见
内疚反而更深

因为我们约定好的
要好好守护彼此许下的承诺
我心里曾无意地差点违背承诺
我对你忽然的抱歉
其实是在平复自己的罪恶感
虽然我没告诉你为什么说对不起
因为连我自己都不清不楚这罪恶感
是否真的是自己犯错 或纯粹想太多

但也因为如此
我感觉到了你那强大的付出
我感受到你无怨无悔的给予
我感觉到了你的爱与真诚
多温暖 多么有力量

而我也很努力 很努力地在加油
希望能够像你一样强大地付出
让你也感受到我从你身上得到的幸福
因为我知道
不会再有像你那样的人
在我生命里出现
因为我知道
一切多么难得可贵
无理放手决不允许
因为我知道
深藏在我心底的 依旧是爱你的心
就像你对我那样

潜意识不管在我心理如此无理取闹的情况下
依然告诉我 不用再闹了 都不会变的
因为你对我的好如此美丽
我没办法 也没理由放弃 :)

Doubts come and go, from time to time.
Trying not to have doubts but I can't do it.
But whatever doubts I have, whatever challenges I face,
faith is still there, heart is still there,
which lead me to the right way,
back to you,
back to love.

Thanks for everything you've given,
to this dumb bad girl. :)