I miss you

I miss you
so badly
that I feel like it's killing me inside

I doubt how strong I was
where I was totally beaten up
by the cold u showed

I am shivering inside
my heart
couldn't stop shivering
with loneliness
and fear

I feel so helpless
without the hand to grab
the eyes to stare
and the face to touch

I was staring on the phone
with a photo on the screen
the face that was once
so near with mine
where our nose could meet
and I can feel every of your warm breath

The eyes
that huge pair of eyes
sparkling
straight to my heart

Our forehead kissing
with your finger brushing through my hair
I could feel every line on your palm
the big palm
with the warmest held I've ever felt

I could never forget
the first time our palms met
with the strong klench
like how afraid the hand will slip away

Those fingers
use to be wiping away my tears
holding me tight on the chest
calming me down
with the steady heartbeat
I listen to when I place my ear
right on the chest


It feels like ages
since I last hold your hand
listen to your voice
looking deep into your eyes

I start to lose the image of your face
every time I close my eyes
before I fall asleep

I tried so hard to recall
your sweet voice
the temperature I felt
every time you hug me
I tried so hard
til tears rolling down my cheek
those cheeks
where you always pinch
and poke
and kiss gently

How many times
I typed  "I miss you"
and erase them
before sending out to you

So many words up til my throat
and I just swallow them back
down deeply to my heart
because I'm so afraid
those words annoyed you so much
that you will just walk away

At least now
I can still see you from far
knowing that you are alright

At least
you are fine
that's the most comfort
I could get from you
now..

How are you?
What are you thinking?
Are you really fine?

You look thinner in those photos
You smile lesser
I wonder if I did anything wrong
that maybe you would live better
without me

How many times
I'm afraid
I'm a parasite to you

How many times
I'm thinking of turning around
and leave your life
maybe you would live better that way

But whenever I thought of that
I cried
so hard that it hurts
my heart
like having thousands of cold knives
cutting through it
without mercy

I can only hug the pillow
you gifted me on my birthday
trying to get some comfort
from the wishes you gave me
on my last birthday
At least
something that I could link to you
that's the most I could do now..

When can we meet again?
with our hearts bond together
with our eyes staring each other
with our hands holding tight
never letting go

When can we meet again?
with you playing with my hair
with your playful stare
with your arm wrapping around me
so close
so warm

When can we meet again?
with our smile so wide
with our heart so loved
with our love blooming
like we are the happiest people in the world

When can we meet again?
At least give me 10 seconds
to look at you properly
and let me feel like I am still
in your heart

I love you
still

I am waiting
for you to come back
like how we use to be
love
in the heart