I miss you

I miss you
so badly
that I feel like it's killing me inside

I doubt how strong I was
where I was totally beaten up
by the cold u showed

I am shivering inside
my heart
couldn't stop shivering
with loneliness
and fear

I feel so helpless
without the hand to grab
the eyes to stare
and the face to touch

I was staring on the phone
with a photo on the screen
the face that was once
so near with mine
where our nose could meet
and I can feel every of your warm breath

The eyes
that huge pair of eyes
sparkling
straight to my heart

Our forehead kissing
with your finger brushing through my hair
I could feel every line on your palm
the big palm
with the warmest held I've ever felt

I could never forget
the first time our palms met
with the strong klench
like how afraid the hand will slip away

Those fingers
use to be wiping away my tears
holding me tight on the chest
calming me down
with the steady heartbeat
I listen to when I place my ear
right on the chest


It feels like ages
since I last hold your hand
listen to your voice
looking deep into your eyes

I start to lose the image of your face
every time I close my eyes
before I fall asleep

I tried so hard to recall
your sweet voice
the temperature I felt
every time you hug me
I tried so hard
til tears rolling down my cheek
those cheeks
where you always pinch
and poke
and kiss gently

How many times
I typed  "I miss you"
and erase them
before sending out to you

So many words up til my throat
and I just swallow them back
down deeply to my heart
because I'm so afraid
those words annoyed you so much
that you will just walk away

At least now
I can still see you from far
knowing that you are alright

At least
you are fine
that's the most comfort
I could get from you
now..

How are you?
What are you thinking?
Are you really fine?

You look thinner in those photos
You smile lesser
I wonder if I did anything wrong
that maybe you would live better
without me

How many times
I'm afraid
I'm a parasite to you

How many times
I'm thinking of turning around
and leave your life
maybe you would live better that way

But whenever I thought of that
I cried
so hard that it hurts
my heart
like having thousands of cold knives
cutting through it
without mercy

I can only hug the pillow
you gifted me on my birthday
trying to get some comfort
from the wishes you gave me
on my last birthday
At least
something that I could link to you
that's the most I could do now..

When can we meet again?
with our hearts bond together
with our eyes staring each other
with our hands holding tight
never letting go

When can we meet again?
with you playing with my hair
with your playful stare
with your arm wrapping around me
so close
so warm

When can we meet again?
with our smile so wide
with our heart so loved
with our love blooming
like we are the happiest people in the world

When can we meet again?
At least give me 10 seconds
to look at you properly
and let me feel like I am still
in your heart

I love you
still

I am waiting
for you to come back
like how we use to be
love
in the heart

留给一个人的时间

有些时候
就想一个人静静呆着
沉浸再心中隐藏着的情绪

一个人散这步
想停下就停下
想放纵奔跑就奔跑

一个人静静的看着天空
发发呆
把云朵想象成形形色色的东西

一个人躺在床上
对着天花板大声唱歌
管它吵到了谁

一个人随意拿起笔
画画心里想画的
再丑也无所谓
不喜欢扔了不就得了？

一个人呆呆地拿起吉他乱弹
自以为地写出一首歌
再用简单的词句填词

一个人拿起一堆零食
躲在房里看這连续剧
躲在被里 狂吃

或就一个人
静静地
放空思绪

享受留给自己一个人的时间
是种多好的感觉

胆小鬼的幻想

幻想是一种对自己的折磨
也许是一种心理小小叛逆的现象

当你知道有些事情
你没办法得到
却用自己脑子里虚拟的想象
把它弄成真

忙碌的生活
会让人开始忘了幻想
曾今夜晚在床上翻来覆去
无法入眠时
曾今有过多少幻想
有些成的无厘头
有些却成得太真

在梦里实现了多少幻想
因为只有那里能让自己感受
留下给自己的回忆
曾今与梦里的人说经历的事
只有自己懂得
就算再难堪再丢脸
也不会有人懂

也对
因为我一直都好胆小
所以只敢幻想

为何我就没办法勇敢些？
就算自己再差再丢人又怎样？
为什么总是顾虑别人的眼光？
难道 就不能好好活着
好好过着自己想要的人生？

也许再自信一点
所有幻想就不会继续只遗留再夜里的梦
也许再勇敢一点
所以曾今的顾虑就不会继续成为绊脚石

长大后的女孩

怀念有很多种
我怀念的 不是曾经的人
或者曾经的事
却怀念起了 曾经的自己

曾今
我一个人
一个人走在走廊
少了喧哗
让思绪自由放荡

喜欢奔跑在那操场上
带着急促规律的呼吸
不时仰望着天
蓝天白云 和那几棵挡着天空的大树

习惯每次在冲凉房待个半小时
脑袋里播放着所有爱听的歌
放声大唱 即使不懂得歌词
破音走音出糗 还有那四面墙为我挡着

一时兴起 心情开朗
把房门关上 开起音乐
在房里自由乱跳 把床当成没有观众的舞台
有多丑多糟糕也不会有人看见

曾经的我
有自己的小世界
这世界里 有着好辽阔的天空
闭上眼睛 就能看见无边界的大草原
有时还可以静静地望着大海吹海风

被窝是我放纵创意的地方
耳机是我沉入情绪的通道
画簿是我抒发思想的地方
夜晚是我沉醉放肆的时间

多少梦想 多少愿望
却只留在自卑的心里酝酿着
没有勇气在众人面前站出来
没有厚厚的脸皮能任人攻击
没有尖锐的武器足够抵抗伤害

曾经那个女孩
很纯真 很简单
脆弱却倔强
哭过多少回 擦过多少眼泪
发飙过很多很多次

曾经的女孩
在哪里了？

短短的时间里
不知不觉地成长很多
脾气收敛的多少
脸皮厚了好多
反击的武器多了
面具一个加一个
即使心碎也吞下了眼泪
不听话的眼泪流出 也不出声
笑脸多了 可真心了吗？

过了那么久 突然回首
发现自己变了多少

累了吗？

累  累麻了

还记得曾经希望自己长大 变得强大
如今戴上了厚厚的防护甲
想念了曾经能自由奔跑的女孩

还记得曾经希望自己能得到安全感
如今有个人在旁边守护着
想念起了曾经一个人静静放空的女孩

好想有个时间让自己静静的做自己
离开一切假象 就简简单单的过时间


其实 我只想要透透气
想想心里要的是什么
想要对自己好一些

当 心无理取闹的时候

我常说 我并不好
不是无理的。
有些时候我会犯错
有些时候我会执着
有些时候不顾无理
但这些都不算什么
因为大家都看见的
大家都没说我好坏。

我说我不好
也许是因为自己心里
有时候会静静地无理取闹
然后 我后悔
后悔自己为什么这样
虽然都没让人看见
内疚反而更深

因为我们约定好的
要好好守护彼此许下的承诺
我心里曾无意地差点违背承诺
我对你忽然的抱歉
其实是在平复自己的罪恶感
虽然我没告诉你为什么说对不起
因为连我自己都不清不楚这罪恶感
是否真的是自己犯错 或纯粹想太多

但也因为如此
我感觉到了你那强大的付出
我感受到你无怨无悔的给予
我感觉到了你的爱与真诚
多温暖 多么有力量

而我也很努力 很努力地在加油
希望能够像你一样强大地付出
让你也感受到我从你身上得到的幸福
因为我知道
不会再有像你那样的人
在我生命里出现
因为我知道
一切多么难得可贵
无理放手决不允许
因为我知道
深藏在我心底的 依旧是爱你的心
就像你对我那样

潜意识不管在我心理如此无理取闹的情况下
依然告诉我 不用再闹了 都不会变的
因为你对我的好如此美丽
我没办法 也没理由放弃 :)

Doubts come and go, from time to time.
Trying not to have doubts but I can't do it.
But whatever doubts I have, whatever challenges I face,
faith is still there, heart is still there,
which lead me to the right way,
back to you,
back to love.

Thanks for everything you've given,
to this dumb bad girl. :)

我只不过想要个拥抱

害怕失去
就是我最大的毛病

想好多好多
只不过是不想失去
然后伤痕累累

一旦决定后
我答应不管多难
都会以全心全力
克服一切困难
相信你 体谅你
守护我们的珍贵

也因为如此
我害怕拖累你
害怕伤害了你
害怕为难了你

伤心 收起来
因为不想让你担心难过
想念 收起来
因为不想让你分心正事
寂寞 收起来
因为不想让你内疚担忧

收太久 都成泪了
但却忍着不流出来
因为答应了要坚强
不想在当谁都负担

原来 人会变
都因为四周环境
周围的人
尤其
那些很重要的人

我曾经容易掉泪
但现在我无法掉泪

想太多 就是我
我的毛病
也是让我成为我的理由



其实我最想要的
只不过是个拥抱
让我歇一歇
摘下假面具
让心休息
一会就好…

想哭 却哭不出来的能力
是练出来的

嗨 好吗？

嗨~
太久没和自己聊天了

一年就这样过了，
我早就习惯了这种生活
会有多少年的机会和朋友生活在一起
家人在远远的家
独立自主的生活着
每一天烦恼着琐琐碎碎的抉择
待会该吃什么成了每一天最难的决定

从没想过会在这种乏味的生活里
找到了一群疯在一起的怪朋友
遇到了一直寻找的那一个人
成长了多少，改变了多少
慢慢找到了不一样的勇敢
就算流泪也变得无声了
怕黑也依然壮胆地说没什么

怎样啊？
这种生活还应付得来吧？
也幸运有身边的朋友们支持与鼓励
有他的安慰及力量
还算生活不错吧？
或该说其实很幸运了
有多少人会幸运地遇上对的人
有多少时间能让我们碰小钉子却学会很多？

对了
还有你
想了想，我的当时的道别
当时的你还没真的准备好接受吧？
时间过得真快
不知不觉就快半年了
还记得那天的道别后，默默流下的泪
忍哭真的很辛苦
但现在想想，我大胆地做了对的选择
在那之前，我还真是太胆小了
拖拖拉拉太久，真不应该
早就知道不会有结果，早就该歇斯底里地结束了

现在的你过得更好了吧？
我过得很好，而且还比以前更特别了
因为我在大胆的放下后
获得了很美丽的礼物
也因为这样，我理解了真心对待其实真的一点都不累
当两个人能够互相扶持，愿意一起奋斗的时候
累不会出现，美好却在路途中不停浮现
每一天身边的小事物也可以变得很快乐
真的，我快乐好多了
我笑得更多了，而且从心的笑了

每次呆呆地看着他，我就会不自主地微笑
内心感觉非常感谢
感谢他看见了我
感谢他不要脸地靠近我
感谢天给我机会慢慢感受
感谢天让我一点一点地爱上他
感谢我们彼此的坚持
感谢我们彼此的坦诚
感谢我们彼此的真心
感谢每一天都有机会手牵着手
感谢我们能够心连心
感谢我们的相遇
让彼此的生活多快乐多一点

如果被允许
我们谁都不想放手
因为当对的感觉出现了
我们就不应该放走
紧握、真心、慢慢耕耘
赐给我们的礼物

你也要过得快乐，知道吗？

也感谢你，让我理解更多
让我成长了，才会遇上现在的美好

而我呢，
一定要加油
珍惜现在拥有的一切
努力努力！
因为生活中不会有那么多机会
让我们得到特别的礼物.. :)

I wonder..

I wonder how you feel
I wonder how you fell
I wonder what do you think
I wonder what did you see
I wonder why you love me
I wonder why you stay with me
I wonder why, I wonder how
I wonder if all these will be forever...

I am so glad to have you
I am so scared to lose you
I wonder how you love me
I wonder if you would always do so
I wonder how if you don't anymore
I wonder how my life will be
how terrible my live will be
how my heart would stand the cuts and wounds

I am scared
until now, I am still scared
because I had let you entered my deepest core
and you had became part of my life
one of the reason why I wake up everyday for
one of the reason why I am living my life for a reason

Could things just continue the way it is now?
Or maybe be much better than now,
as long as with you by my side

I appreciate your love and your care
No one ever treat me that way just like my family
No one ever made me so comfortable
to be who I am
to act crazy and natural
no secret no shame
I am proud to be a person who belongs to you
I am grateful to have you beside me everytime
I am blessed to have you in my heart every single time

No words could describe the feeling,
or maybe is just purely "love"

So could you just keep holding my hands tight,
hug me and give me strength when I'm weak,
and let me brush you hair and smile like a kid everyday?

Cause the love from my heart couldn't hide itself
and I want to keep feeling the love from you too... :)

Thoughts

And I realised,
there is still a long way to go
dreams and hopes
imaginations and visualization
where future will come in years time
and how it will be

I know it wont be like how I wish
sad to realise things might not be the way I want
and I'm trying to be optimistic
that as long as the heart is still there
what that meant for all is the sincerity
and the truthful love
from the heart
with the soul

And I realised,
all I need is just a trust
and a firm hug
tell me that everything will be fine
and things will be alright
just the way it suppose to be
like the way I hope it will be

Never expect too much
because disappointment will kill me more than everything
as time goes on
things fade
those which stays
will go on forever
believe with the courage
everything will be fine

Life goes on
with our hands holding
and that one glance of trust
nothing will stop us from moving on
I believe..

Cry out your sorrow
and wipe away the pain in your tears
as those negatives went away
you will see the lights again
and he'll still be there
with his truthful heart
and his warmest heart

As your heart stays alive
nothing could beat you down
Girl..
You know you wont be beaten down..