盲

所谓 目标 理想
是否必须每一个人都拥有
又有多少人真的懂？

在步入社会前
最迷茫的感觉
不迟 不早
却在这一刻出现

那些莫名不止流下的一颗颗泪珠
到底从何而来

是在害怕
看不见的前路？

是在叹息
是否白费多年？

是在怨恨
当初胆怯懦弱？

是在嫉妒
众人的无畏惧?

一声不出的掩饰着
忍不住的哭泣
闭着眼 低着头
眼泪已经湿了桌上的纸

试过哭诉
试过自我反思
试过放任不理
试过硬着头皮

心里压抑着
正在翻腾的念头
一不小心又被释放
永远擦不干的眼泪

似乎脑子里的天使与恶魔不断战斗
我却夹在中间
动弹不得
累
没了自己

纵然心里的战斗从未休战
时间依然不停地赶路
我的躯壳被拖着走
也习惯了 继续走
不管心里的战士多么虚脱
依然走着
走着
毕竟
从前 走着走着
也是到了如今

是否因为当初的不够勇敢
一生的习惯追赶时间
学会了的咬牙坚持
被灌输的要现实
一步一步
到了今天

也就要这样
一步一步
继续向前？


 虽然
 明确知道
 最后依然会
 继续走
 这个开始了的路
 不管
 是对
 是错。。

一点点

一点一滴
一点一点
快装满了吧？

一直努力地回想
故事何时默默地开始了

也许以前所有坎坷
就是为了特显
如今的美好

每一个小动作
都看见了
每一次的关心
每一次心被微微感动

曾经伤痕累累的心
封闭了自己
却因为相同的伤痛
相遇了 靠近了

依旧躲在各自的墙后
望着窗外的可能
犹豫着
是否应该打开那扇门？

冒着险 追求可能
或
封闭着 原地不动

我看见的
是七彩的天空
多变的景色
和让人温馨的颜色
是否应该
勇敢放任奔跑
在那柔柔草地上
呼吸着令人幸福安心的空气

即使会跌到
也在所不惜？


感激
这一切的出现
暖心
温馨

胆怯

我没有亮眼的五官
只有遮着眼睛的蓝镜框
我没有模特儿的身材
只有小不点的身体身高
我没有又白又滑的皮肤
只有一双粗糙的手掌
我没有长细的美腿
只有萝卜般的小短腿

我没有伟大理想
我没有特别专长
我没有先天潜能
我没有天才头脑
我没有独特魅力

更
没有勇气


不对
我曾有过勇气
那么勇敢踏出了保护区
奋不顾身了
歇斯底里了
伤痕累累了

之后的我 坚强了
可却胆怯了


还是躲在自己厚厚的墙后
即使感受到了真正的关心
当你觉得应该安全了
却又还是躲起来了

怎么突然想哭了？
哭 因为自己不够勇敢？
哭 因为放弃了可能的机会？
哭 因为希望拥抱 还我勇气?


告诉自己 别想了
你忘了当初你怎么跌倒的吗？
是否就这样
一直一个人故作坚强地继续前进？



什么时候
我才有勇气再说
我爱你

女孩 你好

夜深人静
放肆地悠闲着
翻过了旧日记
看过了旧状态
读过了一个又一个的旧部落格

这些年
我变成了谁？

原来成长可以很慢
也可以很一瞬间
去年今天我还习惯着依赖
而今晚的我一个人
熬着夜
听着歌
反思着自己的生活

一个个挫折失败
建立起了一层层台阶
过程中的酸甜
磨利了手上的武器
围墙破了又修
防御也越补越厚

学会了用微笑面对每一件事
一笑置之
大家看见了一个活泼的女孩
看不见曾经也伤痛过的孩子

学会了用正能量感染四周
乐观积极
大家看见了一位阳光的女孩
看不见曾经躲在角落的孩子

夜再深
也不再有曾今的多愁伤感
曾经那灌醉思绪的夜晚
成了提神药 思绪越夜越清晰

女孩
你变成了谁？

生活比起以前充实多了
笑颜疯狂更多了许多
周围的人多了近了
得到了更多认可信任
自信多了 自立多了
长大了

害怕也不会躲藏了
学会了咬牙硬着头皮
脸皮也不再算什么了
看透了许多却学会了沉默
肩膀能承受更多重量了
坚强了

伤痕累累也不怕了
疤痕背后的故事都收起来了
也把奋不顾身的爱收敛了
不再轻易去爱去恨
一切收纳在微笑的背后
深藏在心里最难碰触的地方


以前的那孩子呢？

心里的孩子睡着了
好久好久
是发了个很长的美梦吗？
还是玩累了 不想醒来？
孩子 你安好？
我想你了。

钢铁女 你好
辛苦了

夜深人静
你就好好放下护甲
透透气吧
未来还有很长很长的路
需要披上这重重的护甲
继续赶路 继续独斗

一个人

当你下定决心
把一切放下
你需要多少勇气
多少毅力
这些都证明
你曾经付出过多少努力

我曾今
爱过那么一个你
一个我能依靠的你
还记得 每一次牵着你
矮小的我正好能亲吻你的手臂
最喜欢和你靠近
好安全 好温馨

但我失去了你
不是在你和我道别的时候
而是你的心 已离我远去的时候

当你 已不再是你的时候

多么不甘心
这段时间里
经历过了 勇敢过了
我们彼此答应坚持到底
可你最后却轻易放弃
只因为你把我从你心里 丢漏了

原来 我对你
真没那么重要。

当我写下了那个句号
把所有眼泪与心碎放在了故事的结尾
不再把你带到另一个故事
属于我自己的故事
就像你
把我琐碎地落在一旁
然后走向了你的另一个美好

另一个故事的开头
平平淡淡
带着还没完全愈合的伤
继续写着淡淡的故事

慢慢发觉
原来 失恋并没那么可怕
慢慢地走出曾今的习惯
回到一个人的生活

也慢慢发现
其实 恋爱不是必需品

恋爱是在让别人彩色你的人生
而我 想要继续自己彩色自己的人生
一直到那么一天 我遇上了一个
愿意和我一起为同一个风景彩色的人
我们不会恋爱
我们会携手 为我们的人生彩色
互相扶持 互相鼓励
一起慢慢彩完我们的人生

恋爱 是轰轰烈烈的
生活 是舒服简单的
快乐就好了

一个人 也很好

The Cliff

Is it that hard to let go?


It was like playing trust game
you don't know what's behind
and you just closed your eyes
and get pushed down

and you keep falling

It was a cliff
you fell so deep down
that you kept falling down
waiting for him to catch you
but he wasn't there
you are by your own
keep falling
deeper
and deeper
all the way down

You got anxious
and you open your eyes

That's when you realized
it was all lies
fake promises
or maybe promise made by coward
the promise that he said,
"I will always be there for you"

So
I can only keep falling
and went gone forever
in that deep
scary
dark
unknown hole?

You just keep falling
you can't do anything
you have nothing
cause you gave away everything
on the cliff you fell from

Everything
left behind with that person
which had got tired of the load
you brought to him

And he just throw away everything
and left
without keeping anything
about you

Nothing.


You close you eyes
and let things go its way

But, that's not the end.

Your white dress got hooked by a fallen trunk
in the middle of nowhere

You are given a second chance
the sky turns from grey to blue
sun shines on your face
you can see the rough surface on the cliff

You are given a choice
to tear off that piece on your dress
and keep falling
or
grab on the rough surface
with all your strength
that you've never spend so much before
climb back up to the cliff
you had fallen from
and stood back up on your feet

Regardless how tiring it will be
regardless how risky it will be
regardless how much stain you will get on your white dress
regardless how much scar you will get on your body

Which way would you take?
Let go of your chance?
or
Let go of your past?

The more tiring it gets throughout the journey
the more strength I would gain
The more risk that I would face by my own
the more unstoppable I would be

Every stain on my dress
shows the colours of my life
Every scars on my skin
shows the growth in my life

Life is hard
but that's what it meant for
For you to explore things
that you will never read from the textbook
For you to learn things
that you could never do in your tests
For you to get hurt
so you know what happiness are meant for
For you to feel stupid
so you know sometimes, you just need to let go

The stupidest thing I felt
is that I just gave away everything easily
to what I thought it is worth for

But actually
the stupidest thing I've done
is to feel that way

I didn't gave away everything
to something that's not worth it
I gave away everything
to something I loved
and so I experienced
the things that I should experience in my life

There's never right or wrong in life
everything is an experience
which colours your life

And there are much more to explore

Climbing up the cliff is a journey
an aim
a reason in life
and when you reached the top
another journey begins
with more exciting experience that you've missed
while you're falling down the cliff

Is never too late to stood back up,
you just need to keep going.

I miss you

I miss you
so badly
that I feel like it's killing me inside

I doubt how strong I was
where I was totally beaten up
by the cold u showed

I am shivering inside
my heart
couldn't stop shivering
with loneliness
and fear

I feel so helpless
without the hand to grab
the eyes to stare
and the face to touch

I was staring on the phone
with a photo on the screen
the face that was once
so near with mine
where our nose could meet
and I can feel every of your warm breath

The eyes
that huge pair of eyes
sparkling
straight to my heart

Our forehead kissing
with your finger brushing through my hair
I could feel every line on your palm
the big palm
with the warmest held I've ever felt

I could never forget
the first time our palms met
with the strong klench
like how afraid the hand will slip away

Those fingers
use to be wiping away my tears
holding me tight on the chest
calming me down
with the steady heartbeat
I listen to when I place my ear
right on the chest


It feels like ages
since I last hold your hand
listen to your voice
looking deep into your eyes

I start to lose the image of your face
every time I close my eyes
before I fall asleep

I tried so hard to recall
your sweet voice
the temperature I felt
every time you hug me
I tried so hard
til tears rolling down my cheek
those cheeks
where you always pinch
and poke
and kiss gently

How many times
I typed  "I miss you"
and erase them
before sending out to you

So many words up til my throat
and I just swallow them back
down deeply to my heart
because I'm so afraid
those words annoyed you so much
that you will just walk away

At least now
I can still see you from far
knowing that you are alright

At least
you are fine
that's the most comfort
I could get from you
now..

How are you?
What are you thinking?
Are you really fine?

You look thinner in those photos
You smile lesser
I wonder if I did anything wrong
that maybe you would live better
without me

How many times
I'm afraid
I'm a parasite to you

How many times
I'm thinking of turning around
and leave your life
maybe you would live better that way

But whenever I thought of that
I cried
so hard that it hurts
my heart
like having thousands of cold knives
cutting through it
without mercy

I can only hug the pillow
you gifted me on my birthday
trying to get some comfort
from the wishes you gave me
on my last birthday
At least
something that I could link to you
that's the most I could do now..

When can we meet again?
with our hearts bond together
with our eyes staring each other
with our hands holding tight
never letting go

When can we meet again?
with you playing with my hair
with your playful stare
with your arm wrapping around me
so close
so warm

When can we meet again?
with our smile so wide
with our heart so loved
with our love blooming
like we are the happiest people in the world

When can we meet again?
At least give me 10 seconds
to look at you properly
and let me feel like I am still
in your heart

I love you
still

I am waiting
for you to come back
like how we use to be
love
in the heart